Scattered in a dark 6th floor hotel room, late. I seem to have fallen stuck too far in front of myself, where things are screwed off focus. So I scurry about scribbling little worms of thought, hoping it will all connect tomorrow --after I sleep. But I can't sleep so I hold my eyes shut trying to forget that I'm holding my eyes shut. Just like how it didn't work the night before. This is when silence amplifies. Because you have nothing left but what's in your head. And there's nothing in your head.
February 2004 Archives
I remember laying down for a nap in the afternoon. I feel awake now at half passed seven and wandered aimlessly in the dark. Looking for something. Nothing.
So I went back outside to the balcony where I see I've been reading earlier. The book and pen I left on the ledge hasn't moved. I turned on the light I had hung outside, sliding the dimmer up slowly so as to not attract the attention of neighbors. I thought to myself, a seat here should be great once the weather gets warmer, and the sky brighter.
Now 7:34 and I realize I still didn't know if it was early evening or early morning. And that it didn't really matter which. But perhaps knowing may help me find some direction. So I looked at the clock again. Well, it's evening. Happy valentines day.
Hair unnaturally black
Her latex skin you can tell is older
Than the sum of her glamour parts
Bandaged up by design, soft
Glittering ramparts
A rag doll pulled inside-out
Even the lint on her back
Is matching 'pink' --the new Black
(A publicly articulated profile)
It would be difficult to describe you and you probably have the hardest time describing yourself. Perhapses: You are full of contradictions that you are comfortable with. Because you know that one is never the opposite of another. That there is no reason to ever choose. Because balance doesn't mean the middle, and you have the greatest of intentions. You suffer from a lack of enthusiasm yet you are never bored. You never feel alone no matter where you are, you are always accompanied by yourself. You can have a complex opinion on just about anything, but you prefer silence unless you are asked. You lack a sense of entitlement, but settle for nothing less than what's fair. Whether fairness requires corruption or sacrifice. You have great desires but haven't yet learned to be effective. If you have, you must teach me. Chances are, this isn't you.
She who loves motorcycle and sushi more than she'll ever love me.